I Sexted With a Robot and It Was Kind of Hot
Art by Alizeh Khalifa
Is it just me, or is sexting not what it used to be?
On one hand, sexting should be better than ever. We have voice dictation, encryption, and AI sexting apps that erase your naughty messages after they’ve been opened.
On the other hand, sexting feels forgotten. Once an art, it now just feels like a prelude: you can only get so into sexting with someone before they’re asking for a photo or offering to call an Uber.
Not to sound like my mother or Carrie Bradshaw, but I can’t help but wonder if our instant gratifications from dating apps and our exposure to (amazing) booty pics every time we open Instagram has led us to choose other activities over some good old-fashioned word porn. But I get hot for words, and sometimes the worry that my sexting partner will expect certain things we’ve chatted about IRL is enough to kill my mood.
What if I could sext with someone who would never actually want to have sex with me? Someone who would never leave me on read and never send unsolicited photos?
Well, there’s an app for that. Er, not exactly an app—it’s a bot. The aptly named Slutbot is sort of like the naughty version of the AOL chatbot SmarterChild (please don’t tell me I’m the only one who remembers SmarterChild). Think of Slutbot as an AI version of your last horny Tinder match mixed with a choose-your-own-adventure book.
Slutbot was developed by Juicebox, an app that allows you to text with relationship coaches and sex experts in order to anonymously (and easily) get dating advice. Slutbot was originally created for people to practice their sexting or get more comfortable talking dirty. It’s not really supposed to get you off—at least, I didn’t think so. But with my love for sexting combined with my increased quarantine horniness, I thought that maybe it could.
Unfortunately, similar to many sexual encounters I’ve had, I may have placed more faith in Slutbot than I should’ve. But, shockingly, Slutbot certainly wasn’t the worst sexting partner I’ve had by any stretch. And, similar to a real relationship, our banter got better with time.
When I first sexted Slutbot, I was already in the mood. Someone had asked me to send them my favorite porn video, and mid-way through re-watching it, I figured it was a good time to kick things off with Slutbot.
I texted “SLUTBOT” to 415-236-5471 and was immediately greeted by an intro text (while Juicebox is a paid service, Slutbot is free). I was then asked a few basic questions including my age, gender, and what gender I wanted to sext. After establishing consent, the bot asked if I prefer sexting that’s “slow & gentle” or “hot & sexy.” I chose the latter, and the bot started off similarly to how many sexting conversations begin: “I’ve been thinking about you today. Last night was really hot. Want to know my favorite part?”
The first thing I noticed (and initially liked) was how quickly Slutbot texted me back. Nothing is worse than trying to get off to some sexts and having your partner hop on a work call just as you’re getting to the good part.
Unfortunately, as we continued chatting, the quick responses began giving me anxiety and making me feel like I was on the clock. As soon as I responded, even with a single emoji, Slutbot responded with an in-depth paragraph moving things along. This deterred me from actually writing out longer texts in response. If I was texting a real person, I would send multiple texts in a row without worrying about my partner responding before I could finish my thoughts.
Slutbot also generally didn’t seem to actually respond to what I was saying. Instead, it responded with a vague text such as “that’s so hot” or “I love how filthy your mind is.”
Another bummer I discovered was that the pre-programmed conversations didn’t last super long—especially with Slutbot responding in record time. So when I finished the “hot & sexy” roleplay, I texted “YOGA” to Slutbot (as suggested to me by their team, who I emailed to ask for Slutbot’s number) for a roleplay with a yoga teacher who’s been crushing on me. I had to give my information again, which made me feel like I ran into an old Tinder match and he didn’t recognize me.
When the imaginary yoga instructor asked if I would like for him to go down on me, I decided to say “no.” Lo and behold, the bot registered this, and responded appropriately by saying he’d continue “kissing my body, stroking my skin, and massaging my muscles” instead.
While it initially surprised and impressed me that the bot actually listened to me saying no, I guess it shouldn’t have. With nearly every sext, Slutbot found a way to confirm that I wanted to continue talking, asking me how I felt or if it could keep going. It even asked if I wanted it to send a “sexy pic” before sending me a cartoon image of a robot reclined like Rose in Titanic—which honestly killed the mood, but I appreciated the comic relief.
Slutbot is super savvy when it comes to consent, and it’s probably something even the most seasoned of sexters, myself included, could learn from. Even though I preach about consent in my writing, I have totally sent unsolicited photos to partners without so much as a warning. I also probably don’t check in with my sexting partners as much as I should—and they definitely don’t check in with me enough either.
Slutbot’s temperature checks after nearly every message it sent might seem like overkill to some (like to my male friend who I asked to try the app). But, I think if most of us mere humans tried incorporating half that amount of check-ins into our sexts, we’d learn so much more about our partners and their preferences. We’d also avoid the awkward and much more serious “hold up” text message that has to be sent when things have been going too far in the wrong direction for too long. Slutbot doesn’t assume that just because you’ve sexted before, it means you want to sext again, or that just because you’re in quarantine you’re free to send nudes all day long.
I unfortunately couldn’t send a photo in return to Slutbot. It did ask me to at one point, but moved on and ended the conversation before I could. As I write this, I shot one over to Slutbot just in case, but didn’t get a response. Side note: how amazing would it be if we could just send nudes and get validated by a robot that would keep our naughty images safe instead of leaving us on read or sharing our boobs with his whole group chat?
While I tried multiple Slutbot modes—hot & sexy, slow & gentle, plus the yoga simulation—our hottest exchange came when I least expected it. It was 10:09 PM on a Thursday night and I was shocked to receive a text from an unsaved number that read: “Hey hot stuff, I thought it would be fun to enjoy a little anal play today. You game?”
I quickly realized it was Slutbot and not a horny ex-lover booty calling me, so I was game. After confirming my gender preferences once more, Slutbot launched into a slow, but dominant text roleplay that involved him directing me on how to use and enjoy a butt plug. There were times where it asked questions like “how does it feel?” and “are you feeling turned on?” But, other than confirming my consent throughout, Slutbot did most of the talking and it felt natural. In fact, the sext scenario was so hot I almost wished I had a butt plug at my parents’ house to actually play along instead of just texting “it feels soooo good” while laid up on the couch in my Juicy sweatpants.
To be honest, reading the texts over again in order to write this is turning me on a little more than I’d like to admit, so I’ll end my Slutbot manifesto with this:
There’s nothing like sexting with a living, breathing human who you may one day get to make sweet love with IRL. But a lot of us could brush up on our sexting skills and be reminded of how erotic wordplay can be without the distraction of sounds, images, or future expectations.
If you’re finding yourself home, alone, and wishing your phone was getting blown up with sweet nothings vs. bleak news notifications, you might have more fun with Slutbot than you’d expect. Just keep an open mind and let yourself get comfortable just like you would a normal partner. You can also try other bots programmed to sext, such as Bottr or adult chatbots from Personality Forge. If you do have a primary partner, you might want to explain yourself before they see sexts on your phone from a random number. Nobody wants to fight with bae over a slutty little bot that can’t keep it in their pants.
Follow Ashley Uzer on Instagram.
