10 Historical Chads Who Practiced Celibacy
For the last decade, discourse has been dominated by the topic of incels complaining about their lack of sex. However, little was said of the inadvertent blessing these “involuntary celibates” had been given: celibacy.
Humans have understood the link between celibacy and greatness since time immemorial. Taoists believed that every time a man “coomed,” he lost a chunk of his finite qi, or life-force. Greco-Roman philosophers knew that an excess of sex or masturbation led to moral degradation. Legendary boxers like Muhammad Ali considered celibacy before a fight to be a secret weapon. In modern times, where the senses are subject to a constant assault of pornography, distraction, temptation, and hormone-altering chemicals, celibacy, even if practiced occasionally, has become more relevant than ever, leading to gains in focus, motivation, mental acuity, mood, and testosterone, not to mention being the best antidote to porn-induced erectile dysfunction.
A new generation of ascendant Chads are walking the path of the “volcel” (voluntary celibate). Rapper 50 Cent has announced he is practicing abstinence in 2024 in order to train harder and achieve more. Author Tao Lin recently Tweeted “I recommend masturbating less. When I don't masturbate, the brief intense pleasure I'd normally get from masturbating spreads out into the rest of my life, making everything slightly more enjoyable, and my mind is freer via not being distracted by sex-related things.”
The age of the incel is over. The time of the volcel has come. This list of Chads, past and present, who practiced celibacy is a reminder that even if you abstain from the pleasures of the flesh, you still can make it as a pro athlete, an incandescent intellectual, or even a world-historical conquerer or religious figure.
Alexander the Great
In the last few decades, there has been an orchestrated campaign to depict Alexander as gay—don’t believe the propaganda. While Alexander’s orientation could be classified as “bisexual,” just like other aristocratic Greeks of his day, Alexander was a practiced volcel. Here was a man who cared for glory and conquering more than anything else; he famously said that “sex and sleeping” were the only times he ever felt mortal. Alexander refrained from sex as much as possible, only using his harem “sparingly” and out of obligation.
Once, Alexander captured the mother, two daughters, and wife of his arch-nemesis and king of Persia, Darius. Plutarch continues the story: “Darius' wife was accounted the most beautiful princess [in all of Asia]…and [his] daughters were not unworthy of their parents. But Alexander, esteeming it more kingly to govern himself than to conquer his enemies, sought no intimacy with any one of them, nor indeed with any other women before marriage…” Alexander gave the women in Darius’ family special protection and married one of the daughters a few years later. Darius, upon hearing of Alexander’s magnanimity, proclaimed that if he were not King of Asia, only Alexander should be. Ultimately, Alexander killed many more people than he slept with, which is either horrifying or awesome.
Nikola Tesla
Don’t let the Serbian features and lifelong poverty fool you—Tesla could have had any woman he wanted. In fact, society friends often urged him to marry, so he could pass on his brilliance. But Tesla chose celibacy purposefully. He believed that a woman would distract from the intense focus that he needed as an inventor. Tesla said that marriage was right “for an artist, yes; for a musician, yes; for a writer, yes; but for an inventor, no…I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.”
Jesus
Only the strong show mercy to the weak, they say, which makes Jesus the most spiritually Chadded individual of all time. Though History Channel nerds like to claim that Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene, we all know that’s just Freemason/NWO/globalist/pagan misinformation. Jesus retained the seed, and many Christians to this day insist on the link between celibacy and one’s connection to God.
Mihailo Tolotos
Mihailo Tolotos is believed to be the only man in history to have never seen a woman. His mother died four hours after his birth in 1856, and he was abandoned on the steps of a Greek monastery which banned all women. He lived there, never leaving, until his death at 82. He reportedly achieved high status among his fellow monks, who believed his unique life experience gave him “special powers,” similar to how today in the incel community, lifelong virgins often become ultra-respected elders. In photographs, he resembles a wizard.
A.C. Green
A.C. Green is living proof of the miraculous powers of self-imposed celibacy. Nicknamed the NBA’s “Iron Man,” he is the record holder for most consecutive games played in the NBA: 1,192 games, never missing one in his entire 16-year career. Green also never missed a class in college or high school and ended his career with three NBA championships. Most remarkably, he stayed a committed virgin the entire time. Even when Green’s teammates sent women to tempt him during his rookie year, Green held the line. In 1989, he established the A.C. Green Youth Foundation, which promotes abstinence until marriage to youth. Green got married in 2002, one year after he stopped playing professional basketball. The link between his sustained celibacy and his supernatural endurance has long been implied, but never confirmed.
Isaac Newton
Internet memes over the last few years have falsely claimed that Newton considered lifelong celibacy to be his greatest achievement (even though it arguably was). As a fellow of Trinity College, Newton was not permitted to marry, and his closest physicians confirmed that he died a virgin. Newton was an absolute intellectual powerhouse in his life, devising the theories of motion and gravity, inventing the telescope, and discovering calculus. Was his seemingly unlimited energy powered by semen retention?
Newton had a nuanced take on celibacy, though. He said that doing nothing all day like a monk will lead one to lustful desires, and therefore, one should occupy one’s time with worthy pursuits. Newton acknowledged his temptations and used his experiment as a way to shut them out. He in fact formulated some of the first NoFap doctrines, teaching the principle that mere abstinence isn’t enough—it’s what one does with their new mental energy that counts.
Tim Tebow
Tebow’s inclusion on this list is important is because most of these figures lived in a very different era, where premarital sex was discouraged, adultery was punished, and many people had one sexual partner their whole lives. This meant that celibacy was not only more tolerable but even revered, unlike today, where maintaining one’s virginity is seen as socially maladaptive or cause for concern. (Even the mere suggestion today that one is refraining from masturbation or sex is enough to cause shockwaves throughout a friend group).
Tebow, born 1987, was the definition of an American Chad: a 6’3”, 250-pound college quarterback with a compelling if short-lived NFL career. A devout Christian, he only lost his virginity at 32 when he got married. Tebow’s career was filled with miracles and fourth-quarter comebacks, such as the “3:16 game” in which multiple game statistics added up to 316—an apparent reference to the John 3:16 verse he inscribed on his eye black—and his team won a dramatic overtime victory. Was there a link between Tebow’s celibacy and his football victories? Yes.
Fernando Pessoa
Portuguese writer Fernando Pessoa is the great-great-grandfather of a certain type of brooding, socially isolated lifestyle associated with various memes today. He rarely traveled. He had few friends. He dressed handsomely. He was depressed. He chain-smoked. He worked menial jobs (a “wagie,” as the kids say). He almost certainly died a virgin.
During his life, Pessoa wrote thousands of different works—prose, poetry, plays—under dozens of different names. Some of his most beloved works, such as The Book of Disquiet, were only published decades after his death. Whatever his status in his life, he has since ascended to Chadhood through his beautiful writings; today he is considered a face of the Portuguese people. Some writers consider him to be the best writer of all time.
Beethoven
Beethoven was the first rockstar. In an era when musicians were seen as little more than servants—even Mozart sat with the cooks—Beethoven was the eccentric, glamorous, disagreeable musician who fought to be treated with respect. He demanded to be seated with royalty, chastised his fans for not correctly appreciating his music, and refused to play if not in the mood.
Even though Beethoven was famous in his day, historians agree that Beethoven likely died a virgin. He had a few affairs which never grew beyond the letter-writing phase (the equivalent of today’s online relationships). However, Beethoven used his isolation as a creative engine, orienting nearly his entire daily schedule around music.
Cus D’Amato
Cus D’Amato is the greatest boxing trainer of all time. He discovered and trained three boxing world champions, including Floyd Patterson and Mike Tyson. D’Amato grew up in the Bronx with boxing dreams of his own until he was blinded in one eye during a street fight. He briefly considered the Catholic priesthood and instead became a trainer with the mentality of a priest: he preached devotion, discipline, austerity, and winning the spiritual war to his pupils. D’Amato never married, only entering a common-law marriage with a woman out of convenience, as she helped take care of his fighters.
D’Amato was a next-level human being who incorporated astrology, mysticism, and history into his practice. “The physical part of boxing is so minor that most people would never believe it or accept it, because in my opinion, the mind and emotions are about 75% of boxing,“ he said. D’Amato preached the importance of celibacy before a fight to his students and practiced celibacy himself. He fully embodied classical ideas of virtue, replacing material desires with glory, victory, and revenge against the corrupt boxing establishment.
Honorary Mentions
Lewis Carroll
Elizabeth I
Andy Warhol
Joan of Arc
Immanuel Kant
Mary, Mother of Jesus
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